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FEATURED ARTICLE:
 As a
child Cynthia's hyperactive behavior often annoyed others. Her
teachers frequently reprimanded her in school. The other students
called her "stupid" and refused to let her join them in activities.
At home, her father criticized her and beat her with a belt whenever her
parents received a negative report from school. Due to depression,
her mother tended to ignore Cynthia's needs for emotional support and
attention. As a result, she grew up expecting rejection from
others. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried, all she
experienced was rejection.
As an adult she had numerous unsuccessful
relationships. She desperately wanted the acceptance to be found in a
relationship; however, she perceived her partner's behavior negatively often
thinking about how he wasn't as committed to the relationship and that she was
just good enough until someone else came along. These thoughts led to
hostility toward him and accusations "You don't care about me!" Due to her
focus on her worries about losing him she did not focus on his needs and provide
him with emotional support. Her partner tried to reassure her and comfort
her at first but the constant negativity and hostility drained his ability to
respond to her needs.
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Listening to the weather forecast one frigid day, I realized how much we are
influenced by the catastrophic thinking of the media. The weatherman
reported, "The weather has brought more misery to the St. Louis area."
Certainly, the weather was causing problems that day. An ice storm caused
car doors and locks to be frozen so that people had a great deal of trouble
getting into their cars. However, I thought, unless someone was in the
middle of nowhere with no cell phone and they were unable to open their car door
because of the ice, this was not "misery." Instead, I would call it an
"inconvenience." Most of us walked out to our cars to find that we
couldn't open the door, went back inside a warm house or office, and found some
solution to our problem.
(Click to Continue).
"... refuse to allow the media to dictate
how you think and feel...Because unless Armageddon occurred
while I wasn't looking, I don't know how the last ten years could
be labeled "The decade from hell."
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Some people may be curious as to
why this website is dedicated to the "pursuit of excellence" when I am
constantly warning about the dangers of perfectionism. To address
this question we must differentiate between the pursuit of excellence
and the need to be perfect. These concepts are not only different
but can be considered antagonistic to one another. In fact these
concepts are so opposed to one another that excellence can best be
attained by giving up the demands of perfection.
(Click to
continue.)
"...Pursuing excellence
may require tremendous effort and focus as well as other resources. But it
does not demand a sacrifice of self-esteem as it tends to focus on the process
of achievement rather than the outcome."
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Frequently, I am asked how to handle
irrational jealous feelings. Usually, the individual recognizes that her
feelings are unreasonable with no valid evidence but feels incapable of
controlling the jealousy. In addition, the person usually recognizes the
destructive nature of indulging in the feelings and the resulting
behavior. Such behavior typically involves excessive questioning of her
spouse, suspiciousness, and accusations. Many spouses become extremely
frustrated with this behavior because they have no way of proving their
faithfulness. This leads to an escalating cycle of anger which is used as
further evidence by the jealous spouse that her suspicions are correct.
The
jealous spouse often desperately wants to stop the behavior but finds that he
can't control the thoughts which makes him feel miserable. He believes
that if he can just prove his suspicions one way or another, he will feel
better. The unfortunate fallacy in this thinking, is that trust can never
be proven; it can only be disproved. The definition of trust is the belief
that something is true. Therefore, without evidence to the contrary, if we
want a satisfying relationship, we have to choose to trust the person we love.
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For many years
when my husband and I were first together I would ask him "When are things going
to get better?" We were dealing with the usual stressors that couples
face: not enough time, not enough money, and the inevitable random events such
as family conflict, deaths of loved ones, illnesses and injuries. In
addition, for most of our early years together I was in school and struggling
with the balancing of demands of advanced education, part-time work, and a
family. But I had the belief that we working towards this perfect life
that one day would emerge shining a rainbow of happiness forever over us. My
husband, inclined more toward the practical, just answered my question of "When
are things going to get better?," with "Another six months." That answer
typically pacified me for awhile because I thought I could handle any amount of
stress for six months. However, a point would occur when I once again I
asked my husband "When are things going to get better?" Once again, he
would answer "Another six months." This scenario occurred fairly routinely
for many years.
However, fortunately during this time I had experiences that
began to teach me about my expectations of life.
(Click
to continue).
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Although sports psychology is still in its infancy, a tremendous amount
of interest has been generated by the potential of psychological principles to
enhance athletic performance. In
particular, the dedication to empirical examination of the tenets of
cognitive-behavioral theory has led to more effective clinical techniques which
have been intuitively appealing to sport psychology consultants.
As a result, psychological methods were implemented to enhance
performance prior to solid research support.
However, recent reviews of studies conducted in the last approximately
fifteen years have shown the psychological methods to be useful in the area of
sports performance enhancement (Greenspan & Feltz, 1989; Weinberg and Comar,
1994.
(Click
to continue).
"...sports
psychology can assist martial artists with achieving peak performance in both katas and sparring."
Articles on Issues in
Sport Psychology:
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Inner Focus, Outer Strength: Using Imagery and Exercise for Health, Strength and Beauty
By Eric Franklin
The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook
By Martha Davis
The Feeling Good Handbook
By David D.
Burns
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If
women could just change one thing, they would find that they could have almost
everything they want in a relationship. Of
course, I'm talking about women who are married to the average decent
non-abusive man. I don't know how
often I've heard a woman say, "But I shouldn't have to ask."
Frequently, they have all sorts of expectations of their partner and
become resentful and angry when he doesn't fulfill those expectations.
However, when I ask what he said when they asked for what they wanted,
they either respond with "I shouldn't have to ask" or with "I
told him once. I shouldn't have to
keep telling him."
These attitudes are self-defeating and often
destructive to a relationship. If
women could learn to ask for what they want and ask often, many women could have
the relationship of their dreams. When
I tell women this, then they typically respond, "But he'll think I'm
nagging him." The problem with
this thinking is that women don't understand how men communicate.
Men are usually very direct in their
communication. When they talk with
one another they say exactly what they want.
A man would say to a friend, "I'm going to be near your office
today. Let's meet for lunch."
A woman is more likely to say especially when talking to a man," I
have an appointment near your office today," hoping that the man will get
the hint and suggest lunch. This
may be a reasonable approach if the woman doesn't know the man very well and
wants to test his interest without making a full commitment.
However, the problem is women use the same approach with their husbands!
"But I shouldn't have to ask." (Click
to continue).
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After experiencing severe heart
palpitations and shortness of breath while driving, Diane rushed to the
emergency room of the nearest hospital. Extensive tests showed no physical
abnormalities or problems. She was told she had a panic attack and was
given Xanax, an anti-anxiety medication. As a result of the panic attack,
she quit driving by herself because she became fearful of having another panic
attack and losing control while driving. Whenever she would attempt to
drive by herself, she would have a panic attack. Her family physician
explained to her that Panic Disorder was a chemical imbalance and that
medication helps to regulate the chemicals in the brain. Imipramine, an
anti-depressant, was prescribed in addition to the Xanax. Diane found that
she began to feel less anxious with the medications, but that she was still
avoiding the driving due to her fear of having a panic attack.
Additionally, she became concerned about needing to be on the medication for a
long time and wondered if any other treatment could help.
The fear of making mistakes ruled
George's life. Everything he did, he checked over and over again to make
sure he didn't make a mistake. Sometimes the need to be perfect became so
overwhelming that he procrastinated on particularly difficult tasks. This
time-consuming checking caused him considerable problems at work because he
couldn't complete his assignments in a timely fashion. He went to see a
therapist who helped him to understand the history of his fear of making
mistakes and how it related to the criticism he received throughout
childhood. However, he still was fearful of making mistakes and on the
verge of losing his job. He finally quit therapy in frustration.
What do these two cases have
in common? They are both anxiety disorders and they did not receive the
treatment of choice for anxiety disorders: cognitive-behavioral treatment.
The treatment they received may have been beneficial to a degree, but it did not
address all aspects of the disorder.
(Click to
continue).
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A serious problem exists with the public's understanding of depression.
The problem occurs because of the clinical term "Major Depression" and the
general use of the word "depression." One of the definitions in the
Merriam-Webster
dictionary indicates that depression is "a state of feeling sad."
Therefore, the general public typically defines "depression" interchangeably
with "sadness" as in "I'm so depressed today." The tendency, then, is to
assume that clinical depression is just extreme sadness or the inability to
handle normal stress and sadness of life.
This assumption is not only wrong but it is a disservice to all individuals who
experience one of the clinical forms of depression: Major Depressive Disorder,
Dysthymic Disorder, Depression NOS (Not Otherwise Specified), or Adjustment
Disorder with Depression.
(Click to
continue).
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Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook: The 6-week Plan to Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
By Judith S. Beck
When
Anger Hurts Your Relationship: 10 Simple Solutions for Couples Who
Fight
By Kim Paleg
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